So I’ve failed once again at posting all I’d like to say. I’ve had posts running around in my head but they never seem to make it here. So I am going to do bullets in hopes of at least updating. I’ll start from earlier and move forward.
~The first trimester wasn’t fun. I didn’t have terrible morning sickness, but it was there. I ate all the time to make it better and gained 7lbs, while most hardly gain or even lose weight. And I felt fat. Anyone in the IF community knows that you aren’t supposed to complain whenever you do get pregnant because everyone always get so mad at those who do. Well, reality is that gaining weight and my body changing is hard. Harder than I thought. I feel like because of avoiding anything pregnancy related for three years made me totally forget the reality that growing a human isn’t easy.
~There was a lot of heartbreak still. In a sense being pregnant turned my heartbreak into joy instantly, and in another sense, it did not at all. There was guilt I felt and still somewhat do. Why me? Why should I be so blessed to conceive au natural? After only three years when others wait far longer with much more heartache? Mothers day was the hardest this year than ever…and I was pregnant. I felt like a foreigner. And my heart was still with all those in waiting. I think it always will be.
~I also dealt a lot with feeling dumb for avoiding all pregnancy/baby related things because now here I am pregnant, with no clue what I’m doing! There is great wisdom in learning from others even if you aren’t in that season of life.
~It’s taken a while for this to really sink in. Even at our 20week ultrasound, it was so surreal. Matt still will say “I can’t believe we’re having a baby.” Feeling her move all the time definitely has helped it sink in for me. And even better, is seeing her move from the outside because Matt can feel and see her move too! It is so amazing to know there is a child hanging out inside of me.
~There is a new fear now. I mostly don’t let myself “go there” but if I do, there is a great fear of something happening to this little life. Hitting that 12week mark was great, but it didn’t go away. Hitting 24weeks has helped a lot. But I know the reality is that it is just beginning. I heard a guy recently say he didn’t know he could kill someone until he held his daughter for the first time. Yeah. I am in awe of how God made us physically and emotionally and how all of this happens without any of our doing.
Here she is! She moved a TON at the ultrasound. It was very hard to for the tech to get a good shot. This is the best profile one. What a cute little nose, eh?
This is what we posted on facebook to announce. Which was so fun!
Here I am at 22 weeks and 5 days. It’s great to have actual bump!
Overall, I’m feeling very blessed. I am so thankful the Lord has turned my mourning into dancing. I am so blessed to be called a mother. And I am super, super excited to meet this girl! November cannot get here fast enough! Ok except for the fact that we have a lot of preparing to do.