….and yet now don’t know exactly how to do it. So here goes.
Three weeks ago today I realized my period was four days late. All week I had been prepared and waiting. Four days is definitely abnormal for me, but not so odd that I thought too much of it. Friday came and went with nothing and I began to wonder. I didn’t tell Matt because I guess that would make it more real and since, of course I wasn’t pregnant, why bother to get his hopes up? Saturday morning I did tell him though…because now I was beginning to go crazy. If my period didn’t come that day, it would officially be the longest cycle ever. Saturday was the Longest. Day. Ever. And somehow at the end of the day, I resisted going and getting any tests. I remember taking a shower that evening and just crying. I remember pleading with the Lord for this to “be it.” At one point I stopped and asked myself/Jesus, “Do I trust you if it’s not?” My genuine answer kind of surprised me…yes, I do. I’ve been through enough now to know he is trustworthy no matter what.
We couldn’t sleep because we couldn’t stop wondering ‘what if.’ So we stayed up too late watching funny videos online to distract us. Sunday morning still nothing. I decide to clean the house some to distract myself. Then at 10 I went to the dollar store to get some tests. You have to ask for them and the cashier asked how many I wanted. “Four,” I said. “Guuurllll.” I just laughed and said, “I can’t help myself.” “Yeah, I guess you can’t.”
When I came home I told Matt I was going to take it and to set a timer so I wouldn’t look too soon. As I took it, I watched the clear line go through the window as I’ve done so many times. But this time…there was a line instantly. It’s been so long since I have taken a test, I couldn’t remember if the one line I always saw was the first or second part. So I pick up the box to read the directions. If the first line is there, it’s positive. I yell to Matt that it’s already working. “Is it positive?” he asks. “Yes.” I said shakily. It can’t be. This begins the OH MY GOSH!! thoughts. I take the second test out and do it instantly (these tests you pee in a cup so yes, I saved the cup). Same result. Instantly.
We hugged. I cried. He laughed. And laughed some more. I cried some more. Then we began saying what we would say constantly for about a week, “I can’t believe it!” or “I can’t believe you’re/I’m pregnant!” Literally, that day we probably said it a million times.
We told close friends at church about two hours later. Then my mom who screamed! As we talked she told me my step-dad was crying. Turns out, he fasted and prayed for me to get pregnant. Which totally blows me away. We told most of the rest of my family that day and many other close friends in the next couple of days. Sharing the news with those who hurt with us and prayed with and for us has been one of the best parts. It’s like a gift on top of a gift! Many screams and tears were shed 🙂
Today I am 7 weeks and four days. Due date is November 9th. We had our first appointment and now our first ultrasound will be this Monday. It’s a biggee for sure…praying for a good heartbeat and as much as we can see as possible.
There is so much to say. This post would be soo long if I were to continue. But I do want to share some more thoughts on what the Lord had/has been doing through it all as well as what it’s like to be pregnant (me and pregnant in the same sentence?? wuh??) after infertility thus far. So it’ll give me motivation to post again…since I’ve pretty much given up on this blog. Kind of like how I gave up on a baby in so many ways.
All of that to say, I still can hardly believe it. I can hardly believe the Lord has given me such a great gift…and I’m so convicted of that in itself. But I am so thankful he is good to me even when I doubt.
And for those still in waiting, he is still good. He is still trustworthy.