This week I went to counseling after not going for almost two months. Last July is when I began and it’s been really good. And really hard. But at the end of each hard part, it’s always really good. I think everyone should go to counseling at some point in life because we all have serious wounds that have shaped us. Maybe who you are today isn’t the person God made you to be, maybe it’s just who you’ve become out of protection? That’s definitely me at least.
The past couple months I’ve felt a lot more solid in the ways I’ve grown and the person I’ve become/am becoming. I’ve stood up to people at work, I’ve rocked a little piece of my family system in my relationship with my mom, I’ve asked for forgiveness from people and I’ve gone to them when I’ve been hurt. These are just some of the specifics that came to my mind as I was on my way to counseling. So when I got there they (my counselor and mentor who goes too) just wanted to hear what’s been going on and how I’ve been. I just talked about relationships and things that had happened in the past months (apart from the reconciliation with my sister-in-law as they were part of that).
We talked about all that and it was so encouraging. I’ve felt different and they totally confirmed it. Paul told me I seemed freer and lighter. Beth was super excited about all that I shared. It made them think of when I started a year ago and they really encouraged me about how I’ve grown. I guess it was just great affirmation from what I had already felt but nobody had said. To hear people who have walked through it all with you and who know you to say that you’ve grown is so amazing. I left really emotional, ok I always leave emotional, but in a happy way! Ok mostly happy, as I’m still dealing with hard relationships. But I was really overwhelmed with Gods goodness to me. That he hasn’t left me! That he loves me so much more than to give me what I demand, but he gives me true freedom in him, and even better, himself. He’s shown himself in new ways to me!
Then I was really sad. How I wish all those I love could have this! How I long for my Dad to be free. To be found in Christ alone. To be known. Why was I blessed with people in my life that brought me down this hard path and not others? There is no answer. So I guess I’ll just be thankful that he has been so gracious to me, and pray that he would do so with others.