I love Sundays. Not necessarily because it’s a day to rest, though that does add to my love for it. My whole life it seems that the whole week gets compounded on Sunday mornings. I feel everything within a two hour time span. And almost always, Jesus is faithful to me during that time by meeting me there.
This morning started out with me going to first service to pray with a couple other people. I enjoy these times. Sometimes it is really hard to pray for an hour and a half. It seems every prayer is an effort. Other times, it seems the Holy Spirit is really moving and time flys by. Today was a bit of both. First it was really good. It’s always good to put my mind and heart on other people. But today something was going on where we were praying and it quickly became very distracting. By the time we ended, I wasn’t in a very good mood. I wasn’t exactly sure why.
Before going to pray I had been thinking about how the past two days I had been OK. Hadn’t had any break downs. Wasn’t overwhelmed by the thought of my new baby niece. I was even hoping maybe I would get to see her since I had only seen her once so far. By the time prayer was over, I was annoyed and frustrated that people were having fun while we were praying. Couldn’t they see there were serious things going on? Ha. I know, I’m so rediclious.
Matt was at home so I went and picked him up and came back to the church where were greeters for the day. I told him I really didn’t feel like doing that today. We stood there and began passing out bulletions. And it hit. It was a slow hit. I could feel it coming and I couldn’t figure out why. Why woulnd’t God leave me alone? Why do i have to feel it constantly? Maybe it was seeing all the little families pile into the church. Maybe it was the cries coming from the nursery down the hall. I was quickly becoming unstable and knew it. Then my brother in law came up and said how they were coming to second service today. This meant my new baby niece. So I would get to see her today after all. Yay, right? No. That was the last straw for me. I handed Matt my bulletins and went to the bathroom and cried. To be honest, the pain was just as much from the fact that my heart didn’t want to see my niece, as it was simply from the stark reality of our situation. I love babies. Especially newborn babies. Especially ones related to me. So I HATE that the thought of seeing my niece brings me pain. I just want her to bring me joy for being who she is.
God IS good. Service started and as always, the songs are exactly what my heart needed to sing. Well, I tried to sing or at least mouth the words as it is hard to sing with tears in your eyes. I’m so thankful for our pastor who is so faithful to preach the truth. This was his last sermon in 1 Peter on suffering. “casting all your anxieties on Him, for he cares for you.” That simple truth was very powerful to me in a time of pain. And how good and encouraging it is to know,
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen”